So you knew this was going to happen eventually...or did you? I almost don't want to write about it because I know I'm gonna start sobbing, but I gotta write it before I forget it.
(This has been severely edited due to length and excessive use of profanity.)
So my weekend in Chicago was one of the best of my life. This has been a rollercoaster from the beginning, and it has all been sooooo worth it. From not even knowing if I was gonna be going to getting tickets to the Saturday show at the last minute, it has been crazy. But I've loved every step of the way and I feel so grateful and honestly blessed.
I'll start on Thursday when I went to lunch with my mom and my sister and it all just hit me out of nowhere that I was actually going to see my favorite band. My sister and I were going crazy over it throughout the whole lunch. And at one point I got so excited that I was laughing hysterically (sooo loud and obnoxious) and I couldn't stop. I was crying and my stomach hurt, but I couldn't stop, even when two waitresses came over to ask my mom what was wrong. But I just started laughing worse and I felt so bad because I was so obnoxious.
Kay. So
Friday morning our parents drove us into Chicago with Sabrina's friend AnnDee (From softball; the one who called Krystal her bitch at Marissa's house. That is how you spell it. I don't know.) to check us into our hotel. And, of course, I started crying again (you will learn I couldn't stop crying the whole weekend) when I first saw the skyline. It felt like I was coming back home. I didn't realize how much I missed Chicago (I'm crying again) until I saw it.
And it felt so amazing to be back in the city. Everything felt so familiar and I felt like I was back at school again.
The hotel. Wow. We got it for so cheap (go to priceline for everything), but it was so incredible.
Umm, they had a disco ball in the lounge when we got back to the hotel after the show Friday night. Now that's class.
Our parents checked us in around 1pm, then we were free to do whatever, which was an awesome feeling. Three girls set free in Chicago in an amazing hotel, going to see their favorite band. How would we pass the time...
I'm kidding. They locked the mini bar a little while after we got there and there were no trains to jump on.
Oh yes. Buildings.
Yasss. So urban. Here we go.
(I'm sorry so many of these are snapchats. These kids and their technology these days.)
Well, if you're a One Direction (hereafter referred to as "the boys") fan, the first thing to do is find those god damn piece of shit boys. Those sneaky boys....They're always very secretive about what hotels they stay at because, being the biggest boy band in the world, their fans are insane. Like, hack into the security cameras at their hotels insane.
But the fans always figure it out pretty quickly, so we found what hotel they were staying at, got ready, and went to find them.
Dis da hotel.
It's prettier on the inside. I know you're hiding them in there.
The first day there weren't too many girls standing outside, but the second there were a lot. Most of them were by the front door, which wasn't very smart of them, because the boys don't go out the front door. (The girls aren't crazy, they're just excited.)
So, at the hotel, we went to the back of it because that's where the door to the parking garage was, and when they were leaving, they'd be going through the back. So we stood out there for a little while, then the garage door opened and a car came out (not theirs) and a lot of girls saw that as the perfect opportunity, so they ran in before the door closed. Well, we figured then was as good a chance as any, so we ducked in, too. But there were only a few cars in the garage, and none of them were ones that the boys would be in. Plus, there was a security guard in the window of a door leading into the hotel, so we decided it'd be best to leave. But the door was closed...luckily, Sabrina found a red button on a wall (don't ever touch the red button), but she did, and it opened the door, and we and some other girls dipped out before any security guards came out. A couple minutes later the rest of the girls came out, followed by some security guards who stayed outside the door. The girls were saying that the guards were calling the cops on us. Woops. But we stayed because there was no way the cops would know who was in there. But we finally decided to leave and start walking to Soldier Field where the boys were playing at. And that was our first taxi ride...
Which was actually pretty cool. The guy was pretty nice and it was fairly cheap. When we got to the field, we bought a couple t-shirts, then went to stand in line. And here's where I absolutely lost my mind....We were standing in line, which was actually more of a crowd, in the tunnel leading into the stadium. It was a fairly wide tunnel, and on the walls there were these screens almost, where you could see hallways on the other side. Well these fuckers. We're standing there and then there's a flurry among the crowd as people start pointing at the screens: then there was a moment where everyone realized it. Everyone started SCREAMING and I look up at the screen right above us to see two guys standing there. It was Niall and Zayn, and they were standing there waving at us. I completely lost my shit. We were all pushed against each other, waving back at them. I was screaming, Sabrina was screaming, AnnDee was screaming. That's when it first really hit me that this was actually happening, that they were actually there. This band that I've been in love with. They were real and they were waving to us. It was probably one of my favorite parts, because of how they just surprised us and it was my first time seeing them in real life.
Getting our seats was kinda stressful because the guys who were helping people with their seats original showed us the right section, then they switched it and told us it was another section, and all of our hearts just dropped because it was further from the stage. Then the guys switched us back to the original section and we got so excited because of how close it was. We had no idea our seats would be that close. We felt so lucky.
We sat for a little while, waiting for the show to start. Finally, 5 Seconds of Summer, the opening act, came out and performed.
(fake ass punk rockers)
They're Australian, so it was really cool to listen to their cute little voices(not really). They're hilarious and are amazing live. Before the show Luke was my favorite(flannel above), but it quickly became Ashton(head scarf) who was funnier than I thought and absolutely destroyed my ovaries on the drums. Damn. It was hilarious because Calum(white tank), one of the guitarists, had his nudes leaked the night before, so we couldn't stop laughing every time we saw him because we had seen the nudes (AKA HIS DICK). But we still love him, it was just so funny. Their set was really great. Michael, the last member, has so much energy on stage and my sister was screaming because he's her favorite. By the time their set was over, I had no clue how I was going to make it through One Direction's set, because I was already so pumped. I'm honestly just stalling right now because I'm gonna start crying talking about them first coming out and how I lost my mind.
So, there was a break between 5SOS and the boys,which seemed to go by pretty fast and slow at the same time. They played music throughout, which was nice, but the anticipation was killing me. I was shaking. Like, I barely ate the whole weekend because I was so anxious. The best part of the break was when they played the Macarena. Everyone got up and did it for almost ten minutes straight because we, as Americans, are robots who cannot resist the Macarena.
Then, the boys went on. Okay, well here come the tears, so I'm gonna have to fight through it. It was dark out by then, then ALL THE FUCKING LIGHTS WENT OUT AND THAT WAS LITERALLY THE BEST PART OF THE CONCERT BECAUSE EVERYONE KNEW THEY KNEW THAT WHAT THEYVE BEEN WAITING FOR IS HERE ITS ABOUT TO HAPPEN ITS SO CLOSE AND EVERYONE JUST LOST THEIR SHIT. The stadium of more than 60,000 people erupted. I lost it again, because wow, it was actually happening.
They played the opening video for the show, which is rad as hell, and everyone is just going crazy; I'm jumping up and down, almost getting my hands tangled in the girl's hair in front of me, screeching. Then it happens...the video is over..AND THERE THEY ARE. THERE THEY ARE. MY INCREDIBLE BOYS THEY ARE RIGHT THERE, WALKING ON STAGE. THERES HARRY, THERES NIALL, THERES LOUIS, THERES LIAM, THERES ZAYN, And it was just too much for me. I completely lost my mind. All the drama, all the stress leading up to the concert, didn't matter, because my boys were right there, and it was truly amazing. (I'm crying again).
They went straight into the first song, then into the next two, then started talking. Liam talked first because he's the daddy of the group and because it was his birthday. He turned 21. It was really sweet because his parents had flown in from England to see the show and to spend the weekend with him. And wow. If I could describe how happy he was to be spending his birthday with us. It was awesome. He was smiling throughout the whole concert and being such a sweetheart.
The cool part was that they were exactly how I thought they would be. You know how you see pictures and videos of people and you don't think that's how they are in real life? But they are. Which is a good thing, because they are wonderful people. Liam was the daddy of the group, leading the show and coming to the rescue when any of the other boys needed help (especially the second night when Zayn was not completely there, which I'll explain later). Zayn was the quietest. He's always so shy and doesn't talk much, but sometimes he would surprise you and do something funny like lift Liam over his shoulder or crack a small smile to himself. And now I'm 100% sure he is not from this planet, because even in person he looks perfect. That boy is unreal and does not know what imperfection is. I couldn't believe how good he looked (and sounded; when baby hits them high notes) in person. Louis, who is actually the oldest, even though he doesn't seem like it with his tiny little body and baby voice, was his regular sarcastic self. Harry and Niall were awesome. Niall is probably one of the happiest people I've ever known. He'll crack up at anything and is always so happy-go-lucky. He can't get enough of the fans and is probably One Direction's biggest fan with how much he obsesses over them. The fans have nothing on him. Harry...wow. I saved Harry for last because Harry is such a unique, genuine person. He's one of those people who are just such good human beings that you don't come across very often. He doesn't take any of it for granted and spends as much time as he can letting fans know how much he appreciates them.
So, back on subject, during the show, Harry had so much energy. He's so funny on stage. He'll do all this crazy stuff.
and will literally eat food that fans throw on stage
watermelon
and has a banana every show
He's also always talking to the fans in the front rows while he's on stage. I don't know how many times I saw fans throw (literally launch their phones on stage) so that Harry could take a picture of himself. At one point during the second show he had a girl's phone and found something (I don't know what) on it:
And Harry wore his hair down the first night WHICH IS SO IMPORTANT BECAUSE
i am weak
he's letting it grow out and it looks so good and i need to stop
AWESOME THING THAT HAPPENED. So Harry does this thing a lot where he holds his thumb up at fans. Well, Sabrina and AnnDee were holding their thumbs up at him during the first show hoping he'd see and he did it right back.
Okay okay.
Soooo, first night was incredible. But after the show I went through the stages of grief. Right after the show I was kinda numb. I wasn't really feeling much. I just hadn't processed it all yet. I was still having trouble believing that all that had just happened. We walked back to the hotel because getting a cab after the concert was gonna be horrible. But, as we were walking back, I found myself wanting to text one of the boys, to see if they could pick us up. Like, I would literally reach toward my phone to text Niall. Then I would realize that I couldn't do that because I obviously don't have any of their numbers. But I had felt such a connection to them at the show that I felt like I was actually friends with them. Then it all very vaguely began to hit me, and I began to feel slightly grateful. Like, wow, thank you so much for putting on such a great show. I had the urge to text one of them again and just thank them for such a great time.
Then it really hit me after we stoppd at a 7/11 on the way back. I became angry. I was mad. I couldn't believe that they would just do that to me: give me such an incredible gift, then just leave after a few hours. What would I do with my life after this? They made me feel so happy and it was crazy and everything I had hoped for and more, and it was just over.
Then I got extremely sad because I wanted to be with them. It shocked me to think I was in the same city as them, but I couldn't actually be near them. I wanted to find them so I could just hang out with them as friends.
Then I was grateful again.
Next day: I woke up and thought about the concert; then I immediately pushed it all back. I was in denial. It had not all actually happened. I didn't want to believe it was real. When I actually woke up more, it was "holy shit it actually happened and I am so grateful." I got in the shower and began to sob thinking about it all. I thought about the concert and how it really put their journey in perspective. They went from playing small clubs around England to selling out 80,000+ seat stadiums around the world. I was so proud that they've come this far. And so grateful that they still enjoy touring and being with the fans after four years. And I just kept thinking to myself how they don't have to do this, they don't have to be so kind, but they are.
We checked out of the hotel (goodbye swanky hotel ); ) and went walking around again. It was nice to have the whole day to just walk around and take everything in. Friday I felt sort of rushed because we didn't get there until 1pm. So we spent a couple hours just walking around before heading to the boys' hotel again (haha). There were a ton more girls than before, but we staked ourselves by the garage again, where there were fewer girls. That's when, after looking around, we found an entrance to another part of the parking garage and slipped in there without any other girls noticing (I am so disgusted with myself). We walked around in there for a couple minutes looking for a way into the hotel, but they were all locked. Boooo. But it was pretty fun to just be walking around by ourselves, hoping for a chance encounter. Just the pure adventure of it made it all worthwhile.
When we came out we decided to walk down the street a little bit. That's when we met Kevin. Kevin is very important to us. We respect Kevin.
Kevin is the name one of the boys gave to a stuffed pigeon they found in an interview once.
Therefore, we must trust Kevin. So we walked behind Kevin for awhile, hoping that he would lead us to the boys. He went the opposite way from the hotel for a minute or so, then turned back around. We did not question Kevin. We followed him back toward the hotel. Then we heard screaming. We look up through the windows and there's Niall at the window of the hotel's gym, waving at the fans. In Kevin we trust. Kevin did not let us down.
After a little while, we decided to make our way to Soldier Field, so we could see the boys arrive. Yess yesss yassssssssss. So we get to Soldier Field and we go around to the back where players enter and stuff (aka where my boys was gonna roll up) and there are not that many girls there yet, so we sit down in the grass and wait. This was actually one of my favorite parts because of the anticipation, and we had a lot of fun just hanging out in the grass.
ugh ew glasses swag
We sat there for about an hour before 5sos's van came up. Then a black Escalade came, and even though everyone who was sitting out there agreed not to scream so we wouldn't attract anymore fans (they sound like sharks), a bunch of girls did. It looked like Louis in that one, with someone next to him (we later figured out it was probably Harry ahhhhh boyfriends). Then came the other boys awesome. After that, we left to go get the tickets we still hadn't bought yet...haha. As we were walking around the stadium, we could hear 5sos doing their soundcheck, which sounded really good.
We made our way to the library because we still needed to print off our tickets for the show that night. Haha. Woops. We went to the library because I still have my library card from when I lived there. Well, when we got to the library at 4:30, they had just shut down all the computers (our only way to buy our tickets), so we couldn't print them out. I thought that was the end. We had no other options; there was no way we could go to the show that night. I was completely devastated.
There happened to be this really nice guy who was just leaving who heard us talking about how we needed a computer to an employee and he told us there was a hotel a couple blocks down that had computers and printers. But he wasn't sure if the public could use them; only the hotel guests. We thanked him and went outside to regroup. We were all drained of energy from walking in the heat so much, so we went into a CVS across the street for food and water. Sabrina and AnnDee still seemed pretty optimistic, but I was so down. The show was starting in two hours and we probably weren't going to get tickets. I was so thankful for the Friday show, but after getting my hopes up for Saturday-seeing the boys arrive, hearing the soundcheck, floating around on cloud 9- well, it hurt for them to come crashing down. As we were crossing the street into CVS, someone was blasting one of their songs from their car, and it was more than I could bear. I walked into the store with tears brimming in my eyes.
Sabrina and AnnDee got their things (Sabrina had to force me to get some water because I couldn't think straight), while I just walked around numb. When Sabrina saw me so upset, she told me to calm down and that we still had plenty of time to figure it out. I couldn't believe that this was happening. We were going to have to skip the show completely and hop on a train home. I didn't want to just give up like that, so I pulled myself together, and started walking toward the hotel. I was determined to get the tickets no matter what. Poor AnnDee and Sabrina had to struggle to keep up with me, and AnnDee was chafing on her thighs really bad. I was chafing too, but I kept walking. (OKAY LIKE CHAFING SUCKS ITS SO PAINFUL BUT YOU CANT ESCAPE IT). We got to the hotel, and damn, as soon as we stepped in, I had no choice but to forget about everything because that hotel was incredible. The first thing you see when you go in is the ceiling. Do you know those Renaissance paintings on the high ceilings of churches? That's what is was. Like, Michelangelo painted it. The rest of the lounge was huge, and there were sitting areas set up throughout it. There was so many people there, and they were all so swanky and wealthy, just relaxing with a drink. (Literally everyone had a drink in their hand.) We went to the concierge desk and asked where the computer area was. They gave us directions, but when we got there, we couldn't find printers. My heart just sunk (I should not have been this stressed out that weekend). Everyone that could go wrong was going wrong. Which was pretty ironic because when we first left the hotel that morning, we felt great and kept saying how that day was going to be amazing.
I walked around the table where the computers were, and when I got to the end, I saw a little cubby that was hidden from sight because it was on the end. In the cubby: the fucking printer. And I jumped up and down and screamed "They have a printer!", as tears sprung to my eyes with relief.
Alright. Ticket finding time. The whole point of getting them on Saturday was that they would be cheaper on StubHub, as people tried to get rid of them the closer the show got. Did I want to wait that long? Noooo. I was freaking out Friday morning because we didn't have them yet. But I trusted Sabrina and AnnDee's judgement because AnnDee had done this before. It was 5:30 (gates opened at 5, mind you) when we found the tickets we wanted, but they still wanted to get them cheaper, so we decided to wait until six. (Literally the most stressful weekend of my life). But AnnDee was still chafing badly, so I told them to go to an American Apparel we saw next door to get her some shorts (she was wearing as skirt with nothing to keep her legs from rubbing together) while I stayed there to watch the ticket prices. At this point there were only about 250 tickets left, which was dropping every time I refreshed the page. So I stayed there, anxiously refreshing and trying to distract myself from the thought of anything else going wrong.
They got back right before 6 and bought the tickets super cheap. Yessss. When we went to go print them, we couldn't find the print option because it was on one of those shitty Apple computers where all the options are hidden. I finally figured it out. Then we printed the first one out (and oh my God, if I had a nickel for every time a problem arose), and the person's name on the top of the tickets wasn't AnnDee's mom's. So we freaked out thinking we had accidentally put in the wrong card number and spent some poor guy's money. (At this point I didn't really care. I just wanted my ticket.) AnnDee called her mom and she told her it was just the name of the original seller. So, yet another crisis averted.
We got that shit and ran. Not really. We had almost an hour and a half before the show started and were only a few minutes from the stadium. But we hailed a cab anyway to keep from chafing more. Unfortunately, traffic was terrible trying to get to the field. I wasn't worried about not getting there on time, but that the ride would start to get really expensive because of how long we would be in the cab. Luckily, the cab driver was really nice and told us we could get out right across from the stadium (which we were about to ask him if we could do). So we hopped out, and oh Lord, here we were again, back in hell. Which was pretty lucky, because the show started about half an hour earlier than the night before. They started late on Friday and actually started on time on Saturday, so yesss.
Dere's our seats for the second show. I liked the seats a lot more on Saturday, because even though it was incredible to be standing so close to your idols on Friday, we had a better view of the whole stage on Saturday, and the sound was a lot better because there was less of an echo on the sides of the stadium than in the middle.
5sos performed, and I didn't think we could enjoy it better than on Friday, but we did. Their set was ten times better from where we were and I started falling in love with Ashton and Michael.
Because Ash (ew gross arm hair) seems so quiet but when he opens his mouth he's so sweet and grateful and hilarious and arrrmmsssssss.
And Michael just opens his mouth and all I hear are baby swans. He had me at his snapback and dorky faces.
Annywaayysssss...
It was really great because there's a line in "She Looks So Perfect" where it goes, "she looks so perfect standing there in my American Apparel underwear". When AnnDee went to American Apparel, she ended up buying men's underwear...so...she looked pretty perfect standing there.
They also added a new song to their set that they had never performed live before, so we felt really lucky to be the first one's to hear it live. And that was our favorite. It sounded so amazing live. After the concert, Sabrina and I like the sound of their music better live, and it really changed Sabrina's opinion on them, so yayyyyy. (Because Ashton.)
It was really sad when their set ended because we really loved it the second night. They did amazing and didn't want to wait another year to see their cute little faces. :(
Hour long wait again, awesome. But we did get to see Liam's parents chilling out backstage. Macarena time again...
OKAY BOYS TIME. UGH UGH UGH. ITS BEEN TWO WEEKS AND IS TILL DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
We could just feel it in the air that it was getting closer uggghhhhhh. There's nothing nearly so incredible as that moment when all the lights go down and everyone starts screaming and there's this amazing electricity in the air and everyone knows. They know that what they've been waiting months, even years for, through all the pain and trouble, they are finally here and it is finally happening. You're finally seeing your idols in person. All those car rides with the radio full blast, all the lyrics you've copied into your notebook, all the nights spent dancing around your room, singing at the top of your lungs....This is it. This is the reason you've done all that. These people have changed your life in ways you never thought possible and now you can finally thank them for all they have done and continue to do for you.
And then those motherfuckers come out and it's basically the best feeling in the world...
Okay, some highlights:
So a couple of the boys had (slight) hangovers (actually, Louis, Liam, and Zayn, the only ones legal in the U.S.) because they had partied a little too hard for Liam's birthday. Zayn seemed so out of it so Liam was being a good boyfriend and helping him sing, even though he didn't really need it. (Louis kinda struggled a bit too, getting mad at himself for not hitting notes...but he sounded so good though.)
Harry climbed on the scaffolding on the side of the stage because he's a psycho who wants to break a leg.
Harold is a big Packers fan, so at the end of the show he put on a Packers jersey in the Bears' stadium. The best part was the Bears lost their opening game the next Sunday, so thank you Harold for the jinx and making my dad and brother sad.
After the show we had a train to catch at midnight. The show got over at 11, but the night before it took us a whole hour to get not even a mile from the stadium because of the amount of people. So, after the show we grabbed hands and ran as fast we could before the crowd got too bad. I had to take my shoes off and I could already feel the blisters forming and I was chafing like hell, but we kept running.We were so dehydrated by the time we got to Michigan Ave and sat by a drinking fountain for five minutes. We hailed a cab to get to Union Station.
And this cab driver was scary. He drove so crazy. He was speeding and yelling and going around people. It was slightly nice though because we needed to get to the station fast, but at what cost? At what cost? (Guess it didn't really matter then because I could've have died right then and been happy.)
Okay, so Union Station wasn't the station we were supposed to leave from, but the one we were supposed to go to didn't have any lockers to keep bags, so we had to go to Union Station a couple blocks away earlier in the day to put all our stuff in so we wouldn't have to carry it around all day. So we get to Union Station and to open your locker it's this finger scan thing (which we thought was pretty cool earlier) where you gotta put your thumb on a scanner to open your locker. Sabrina had used her thumb earlier, so she did it again. But it wouldn't open. She did it a couple more times and it still wouldn't open. I was beginning to freak out so I went to find someone who could help. I couldn't find anyone, so I came back, and still nothing. I was getting to the point where I was ready to say to just leave all our stuff because we weren't gonna make the train and be stuck in Chicago for the night. Then AnnDee and I decided to go off and find someone again. We asked every person who looked like they worked there, but none of them could help us with the locker. AnnDee and I go back to the locker, feeling the weight of our unfortunate circumstances yet again; but Sabrina wasn't there. I, of course, got freaked because my sister had disappeared. We leave the locker area and there's Sabrina, waking towards us with our stuff and a big grin on her face. I screamed and ran toward her and hugged her because I was so relieved. It was only then that I realized how much stuff we had put in the locker and how much we would have been leaving behind.
We only had about 20 minutes to get to the other station, buy our tickets, and get on the train. So we start walking toward the other station and, after walking for a little while, we realize we're completely turned around. Oh Lord....So we start looking for a cab and finally get one. When we get in the guy says, "You know it's only a few blocks away, right?" Yes sir, we know, but everything keeps going wrong today, so please just give us a ride and don't try to kill us.
So we make it to the station and holy hell...there are so many college students everywhere who were baked to hell. We heard one kid while we were in line asking for a One Direction ticket instead of a train ticket. We bought our tickets and still had time to stop at Subway for some food.
Finally on the train and there are so many students on there that we had to stand in the boarding area. Which actually seemed quite nice because there were some other girls there who were actually sober and they all went to the concert, so we talked to them a little bit. (EXCEPT THEY WERE A BUNCH OF 5SOS FANS WHO KEPT TALKING SHIT ABOUT 1D FANS). But the rest of the train was packed with college students who were either drunk or high because they were headed home from parties or who got high before they went to the concert which is so disrespectful. The whole train smelled like weeed, it was crazy. These guys kept walking back and forth, yelling that all they want to do is find a bathroom, even though they kept walking past it. And a drunk guy got on the train and pushed right past me, so I said really loud to him, "That was rude!" (I was not all there. Nothing made sense.) But my sister told me to stop before he heard me, but that was rude as hell. Great time. Great time on the train.
We're standing there and that's when I realize I don't have my phone in my hand. I look through my bag and it's not there at all. I manage to stay calm but I realize I must have dropped it or left it at Subway. I was honestly too exhausted to be upset, and I was kinda happy because I hate that phone. I check my bag a few more times, but I couldn't find it at all.
When seats finally opened up, we quickly went to them, leaving behind our rude travelling buddies, who looked pissed because they were about to head to the seats too. I checked my bag some more for my phone, but it was gone.
We got to the train station at 2:20am. AnnDee's parents had dropped off a car earlier, so she drove home. I was sitting in the back seat and finally just said screw it and dumped everything out of my bag. And voila! My phone. I was a little disappointed I hadn't lost it, though. But then I was glad when I realized how many pics and videos I had on it.
When we first got in the car, AnnDee said, "We have to do this," and put in One Direction's last album. And so commenced me sobbing all the way home. Like, actual sobs. Staring out the window, trying to hold it in, but crocodile tears spilling down my cheeks and drenching my shirt. I looked out the window and just refused to believe it was over. I couldn't believe that here I was, driving down some back road lined by corn fields in northern Illinois, while the boys were already jetting off to the UK and LA. They were going to carry on living their lives as the biggest band in the world while I was going back to my normal life. I felt like for those two days I was a part of something so incredible, something so much bigger than myself, and it was killing me that it was all over. That dark road was so boring; it was a road I'd been travelling my whole life: the dismal Midwestern life, living in Rockford, seeing the same places every day, doing the same thing. Going to Chicago was so different; it was such an adventure, and I wasn't ready to let go of it.
It was like this huge letdown. You know when you've been anticipating something for so long, and when it finally happens, it's absolutely amazing, but when it's over you get so down? It's like all this build up and then...nothing. I kinda felt like that after prom because of all the buildup for it. All I did the next day was lie around, numbly watching movies. I'd been looking forward to this thing for so long and it was finally over and I didn't know what else to do with myself.
It was so hard to go home that night. I didn't want to get out of the car. I didn't want to sleep, but I was so exhausted. I didn't get to bed until 4am. I could still hear the screams in my ears.
(Now to wrap it up with a moral.)
Next day was my niece's birthday party, and I was sooooo out of it. People kept trying to talk to me, but all I could think was, "You don't matter. Please stop talking, you are not Louis Tomlinson." My sister and I were talking about how slightly sad it was that my brother and sister-in-law had all these friends they invited. These friends were around the same age as them (24-28), all had settled down with kids, had their little houses and jobs. And it just really hit us how sad that was. How these people had never really gone out there on any adventures, how little parties like this were the most excitement they ever got, and they were stuck in a job they didn't really want. And it made us realize how much we didn't want that life. After experiencing what we did, it made us see there was something more out there, and we could have it if we wanted it. Let me stress that there is nothing wrong with settling down with someone you love and having gorgeous little children that make you smile every day, because that's where we all end up some day, but it's always seemed so average and normal to me. So, basically, what I'm trying to get at here, what I really want you guys to know, is that Sabrina and I are gonna go be roadies for One Direction. We thought about groupies, but we don't want to sell our bodies like that and the boys respect girls more than that. But as a roadie you get all the benefits of a groupie without actually being a groupie. So peace out homies. Catch you at the top.
But Sunday was actually a really emotional day for me. I kept sneaking away so I could go cry and my poor sister; she was so happy and thankful for it, but I was so sad. She had to put up with my tears all day. I just felt like there was nothing more to look forward to. I got to go back to school, and back to babysitting, and not really knowing what the hell I was doing with my life. None of it seemed worthwhile. I was so dejected.
But the next day I woke up and I was like leggoo and I wore my 1D shirt to school, showing off that boy band swag, and no one could touch me. School didn't really make sense, though. Why am I here??? I should be building stages for my boys. No, do not call on me unless you're gonna ask me how my weekend was.
Good day, good day. Went home and cried. Basically the whole rest of the week was sobbing and laughing hysterically. Plus, so happy for myself, I developed a rash on my face and a sore throat the next day. So proud of myself. I earned that shit. I still have the scars from chafing.
These fuckers snuck into my room and stole my shirt. Tarnished the name of my sweet boys. Thanks mom and dad.
So, moral of the story: get out there. Go have an adventure; go follow a boyband without shame, scream until your head swims and you're about to faint. Go to a big city and get lost in it. Take pride in the little things that make you happy, and let love in whenever you can. Don't let your lives be mediocre; don't find yourself one day sitting at a kid's My Little Pony birthday party, thinking, "Shit. What did I ever do with my life." Live and live now.
(And I just wanted to real quick throw in here that I swear, I have not forgotten about the blog. During the summer, whenever something would happen I would just text you guys. Now nothing much has happened since school started, so I don't see a reason to post. And, not gonna, lie, for the past two (three??) weeks, I've been in complete 1D mode. It kinda disgusts me a little. And I honestly check to see if anyone has posted every day.)
