"I Don't Even Know What to Title This, I'm So Confused"

 I apologize in advance. I haven't really written in awhile and I got a little overexcited about this project.

Okay, so I feel this little epic needs a bit of an explanation since some of you are not familiar with the circumstances under which it was cooked up. Gardenia and I were having a conversation the other day (Sunday, to be exact) about how she had finally gotten over to Sam's Club to buy "Clockwork Princess", but when she got there, they were all out of it. But they had One Direction books in plentiful supply. We then went through the annual laments of not having a significant other so close to Valentine's Day. I then told her that Valentine's Day is almost here, One Direction is popping up everywhere (they also had 1D toothbrushes at Walmart), these must be signs that she must take one of them to be her valentine. She agreed to this. I immediately recommended Zayn Malik because, like Gardenia, he seems like a prickly pear, but he's actually a big softie. So, of course, we had to plan the wedding! This resulted in a long night of wedding planning and the only logical course of action from there was for me to write a story about Gardenia's and Zayn's wedding. What follows is not a work that I am particularly proud of, but I hope that you at least find it enjoyable. So, sit back, grab a snack, and allow me to present:

"My Big Fat 1D Wedding" 

You better listen to this because it goes with my intro and the theme of the story and it will put you in the mood. So stop scrolling and just press play and let the sweet sounds of love consume you.

Disclaimer: all persons, places, and events are products of the author's imagination and are not intended to portray true likenesses

Starring:

Gardenia Pacheco as..........................the blushing bride

Zayn Malik as.....................................the dreamy groom

Alex Wilks as..........................the wedding planner

Gardenia's friends as........................the bridesmaids

The boys of One Direction as.............the groomsmen

Rachel Brechler as..................................the maid of honor

Liam Payne as................................................the best man 

(holy hell what a cutie look at that chevron)

And various people I can't tell you about because it's a surprise.

The dress

The flowers

The bridesmaid dresses

The cake

____________________

my hands, your hands

tied up like two ships

drifting, weightless

waves trying to break it

I'd do anything to save it

____________________

       

"Ah! Ah! It's bleeding! There's blood everywhere!" 

Sticky, crimson fluid leaks from Gardenia's big toe as she squeezes it. 

"Don't squeeze it!" Marissa shouts. "It's gonna bleed more! It's all over the carpet!"

Rachel peeps from around the corner, then disappears again with a gagging noise.

"I'm not cleaning that up," Sara mutters as she goes after Rachel.

It's Brooke who provides the solution. She hauls her cinder block of a bag out of the closet and dumps its contents out onto the clean, white bed. The items clatter on the comforter in a seemingly endless waterfall of chaos. 

"Brooke!" Marissa screeches. "Who are you, Mary Poppins?"

Brooke ignores the remark as she expertly sorts through the objects. She throws small containers and full plastic bags over her head as Kara narrowly dodges them behind her. Finally she comes across what she needs and rushes to the end of the bed to Gardenia.

She leans down and rubs Gardenia's toe with a wipe, then gingerly applies a band-aid. "There," she says with a soft smile. 

Gardenia glares up at her. "Did I really need a Spiderman band-aid?" she quips.

"Whatever," Brooke replies with feigned exasperation. "Spiderman is awesome."

Gardenia sighs and stands up, testing her toe delicately on the plush carpet, which is now dappled in blood. She steps lightly in a small circle until she is able to figure out how best to walk on her injured toe.

"Is it over?" Rachel calls from the other room.

"Yes," we all reply in unison. 

Rachel hesitantly steps back in and leans against the wall, putting as much space between her and mutilated toe as possible. "We're gonna have to pay for that," she says as she eyes the blood-spattered ground.

"Oh well," shrugs Alex. "I'll take care of it." She's laid out on the bed closest to the window, tossing a small, rubber ball in the air, assuming a cool demeanor.

"How can you be so calm today, Alex?" Gardenia asks.

"I'm not. This ball is the only thing keeping me from pulling my hair out. I'm freaking out right now."

"Maybe you shouldn't plan weddings," Marissa says playfully.

"Maybe you should actually wear pants!" Alex screams as she whips the ball at Marissa.

It's true. Marissa isn't wearing pants. But neither is Kara. They both insisted that was how they prepared for big events. Around the room, all the girls are in various levels of preparedness: Rachel has her hair done in soft curls, but half her make-up is missing. Brooke couldn't decide if she wanted her hair up or down, so it's laying straight down her back, untouched. Gardenia's hair is done--it took all damn morning. Kiersten is still struggling with the curling iron. Maryanne is sleeping still. And Sara...where's Sara?

Alex shoots straight up. "Sara," she exhales. "Where is Sara? Her hair isn't done!" Alex leaps from the bed and stalks into the other room. She finds Sara, reclined in a chair, still in her pajama pants, phone to her ear, giggling.

"Oh no you don't!" Alex shouts. "Not today!"

Sara looks at her in alarm and jumps up as Alex reaches for the phone. "Just one more second!" Sara cries.

"No! You're going to see him in a few hours! Hang up the phone missy!"

The two struggle with the phone as Alex throws herself at Sara. They tumble onto the bed, both clutching frantically at the phone.

"Give it to me!" Alex screams. 

"Never!" Sara cries back. "The fate of the world depends on this phone call!"

A fifth hand silently appears out of nowhere and calmly takes the phone from Alex and Sara. They both follow the hand, then the arm, then the body as it slowly shuffles to the window. The pane is opened and Maryanne lazily drops the phone. 

"Shut...up," she mutters, venom in her voice and fires burning up her brown eyes. She hunches back silently to the other room and burrows back into the thick blankets.

"Oh no you don't!" shouts Alex as she hastily follows her.

_______________________

                                  (Must be read in various British accents. Except Niall. Niall is super Irish.)

"I don't know, man. I'm still so nervous," says Zayn as he fixes his collar. "What if something goes wrong?"

"Nothing is going to go wrong," Liam reassures him. "Today is going to be spectacular. You're getting married, after all!"

"Yeah," Harry chimes in. "You're no longer a free man. Rejoice in this day!" 

Zayn knows that Harry is only joking, that he really is happy for him, but he still can't help feeling nervous. What if this is a mistake? What if I'm rushing into this?

 No. He shakes that idea out of his mind. He loves this woman. She's everything he's ever hoped for: funny, smart, determined. She's better than words, he thinks. And she's all mine.

Niall walks in then, naked except for his boxers. 

"Oh, come on, lad!" Zayn exclaims. "One day! You couldn't go one day without running around in your boxers."

Niall just smiles and shrugs as he takes a seat next to Louis.

"You better not forget your tux for the ceremony," Zayn adds.

Liam puts his hands reassuringly on Zayn's shoulders. "You can do this. Just tell me why you love her."

Zayn thinks it over. He goes back to the day they first met. It was an art festival. Zayn was roving around in his beanie and black t-shirt, examining the pieces that were done in spray paint. He loved graffiti art; the pure expression of it: bright colors, free-flowing lines--it was the artist's mind on a canvas. 

He began looking at a colorful painting of a flower. He didn't particularly like it. The flower didn't look right in bright blue spray paint. He glanced up. That's when he saw her. Her short, summer dress was the exact shade of blue as the painting. The same flower was in her hair, as well. And her hair. Wow. It fell in a deep mahogany cascade down her back, reaching well past her hips, stopping right at the small of her back. She had a disapproving grimace on her face as she rearranged a painting. But even still, she was gorgeous, her skin slightly tanned, eyes almost as dark as her hair. Zayn knew he had to speak to her.

His mind played in fast forward through the years as he thought of their time together. It wasn't easy to get her to like him, but it was all too easy for him to fall for her. She was a difficult girl to break through; so many walls, so many closed doors when he asked her secrets, so many days and weeks and months trying to steal a kiss. She didn't understand the spell she had on him; she didn't know how gorgeous she was, this timid girl. She didn't need make-up to cover up. Everyone else could see it. But slowly, so slowly, he had broken through, and she was everything he wanted. They spent countless afternoons together, laying in the park, laughing uncontrollably as they scribbled hilarious drawings into their sketchbook. She was an artist, like him. She loved to draw animals and cute cartoon characters, while he preferred abstract graffiti painting. 

He had taken her to the beach one night. This was the night, he knew it was. Everything was perfect. The water was warm, the wine was cold, and he was truly, madly, deeply in love with her. The only thing left to do was propose.

When the time came, he got on one knee...and didn't know what to say. 

He realized he hadn't prepared a speech. He stumbled over his words until the only thing he could get out was, "Baby you light up my world like nobody else...the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed, but when you smile at the ground..." Come on Zayn, he thought. Where ya goin' with this? "What I mean is, if only you saw what I could see, you'll understand why I want you so desperately." God dammit! That's not it at all. 

He began again, hesitantly. "I don't...I don't...don't know what it is, but I need that one thing, and...you've got that one thing." He realized how dumb it sounded as soon as it came out of his mouth and immediately regretted it. But she didn't care, she wrapped him in her arms and said yes anyway.

They laid under the moonlight and stared at the sea. He didn't know if he was asleep, awake, or somewhere in between. He couldn't believe that she was there and lying next to him, two bodies perfectly entwined, like branches on a tree or twigs caught on a vine.

Zayn brings himself unwillingly back to the present. "She doesn't know she's beautiful." He grins, suddenly knowing. "That's what makes her beautiful."

  ________________________

"Stop putting it so close to my head! You're burning me!" Marissa screams. Sara is standing behind her, trying to curl her hair. 

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Sara apologizes.

Maryanne finally emerges from the bathroom in a haze of smoke and perfume. Everyone's jaws drop.

"Of course!" Marissa screams again. "Of course she looks the best! She always looks the best! Why am I not surprised?"

Maryanne just smiles wryly and plops down on the bed in a flurry of blue silk and tulle.

Alex pivots on her heels, pulling away from the satin curtains as her curls bob around her face. She slits her eyes at all the girls, surveying them. "Good," she whispers. Her eyes pop open in surprise. "Where's the bride?" she shrieks.

So much screaming today, Maryanne thinks as she peruses through her make-up bag, even though her face is already done.

"Where's the bride?" Alex calls again as she rushes awkwardly from the room in her 4 inch heels.

She finds Gardenia sitting on the floor in the next room, her hands laying on her skirts in a defeated manner. The maid of honor, Rachel, is beside her, her hand on Gardenia's back, softly speaking to her.

"What's wrong?" Alex asks in a high pitch.

"She's getting cold feet," Rachel replies calmly.

Alex sits on the other side of her and puts her hand on her arm. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I mean, I love him, but...I don't know." Her face is void of tears; Alex knew she wouldn't cry over this. Instead, her eyebrows are knitted close together and her lips are a hard line.

"What's not to know?" Alex tries to be comforting, but she's extreme stressed and the words come out harsher than she means them to be.

"It's just...this is my wedding. It's my wedding day. It's finally here. I've been dreaming about it for years, and it's finally here. It's a lot to take in."

"But you know why you're here. Because you love Zayn. You found someone who loves you for who you are, and that's all that matters." Rachel says.

Gardenia thinks of all the times she and Zayn have had together. She smiles at her first thoughts of him. He looked like trouble. Black beanie, black t-shirt, all inked up. He was intimidating. But his eyes. They were...irresistible. She adored those warm, syrup-brown eyes. She could do this. She knew she had to. She wanted to. Zayn was everything she could ever need. 

But in her mind, a quick flash of a different pair of eyes, eyes that did not fit Zayn's face....She pushes the image away. It was over. It ended years ago. Conceal, don't feel.

Gardenia rises, straightens her bodice, and smiles at her friends. "Let's go get married," she says with a beaming smile.

 _______________________

Alex bustles about the room, Kiersten hurrying after her, always the vigilant helper. There was still so much to be done: table arrangements had to be finished, the food had to be set out, pictures had to be taken, the cake...the cake. Where's the cake? Alex thinks in a panic.

She bursts into the kitchen, frightening all the cooks with her look of an ax murderer who hasn't slept in 72 hours. "Where's...the cake?" she demands in a low, raspy voice. A giggle sounds from the end of the kitchen. Her heels click loudly as she goes to investigate it, a predator stalking its prey. Another giggle. She rests in front of a pantry and stands still. The kitchen is dead silent, all eyes are on the bloodthirsty wedding planner. She flings the doors of the pantry open and there, sitting in the dark, magnificent cake in between them, are Brooke and Kara, fingers caked in...well, cake.

Alex lets out an earth-shattering, super-sonic scream that shatters every glass and plate in the kitchen. The cooks fall to the floor, blood seeping from their ears. But her friends are immune to Alex's supernatural howls. They flee from the horrifying scene. Alex watches them leave with eyes like daggers before turning back to the cake. She swipes a finger across the icing and pops it into her mouth. "Delicious," she whispers, as sinister as a snake.

About an hour later, Marissa emerges from the kitchen, looking fairly pleased with herself. 

"I think it's good," she says with confidence.

It's only an hour before the ceremony and Alex is finally feeling a little better about the way things are coming together. Lights are strung from the ceilings, the arrangements are finally finished, and the guests are arriving. Alex is glad they had rented such a large room, with the amount of family both the bride and groom have. Fresh flowers overflow from every corner, like floral waterfalls, filling the room with the sweet scent of hydrangeas. Alex had originally suggested gardenias, trying to be witty, but Gardenia insisted on the powder blue hydrangeas. And Alex has to admit, they are stunning. 

All the girls are rushing about, trying to put the finishing touches on everything, except for Sara and Rachel who are helping Gardenia to finish getting ready. Alex had wanted to stay and oversee every detail, but they had shoved her out of the room to finish decorating. Alex couldn't help it. They'd been planning this wedding for close to a year now and she wanted everything to be perfect. And it had been so far. Sure, they'd had the minor bumps with the bloody toe and the whole phone debacle, but those sort of things were to be expected at weddings. The rest of the day was going to flow as seamlessly as Gardenia's gown.

 __________________________

The ceremony went surprisingly well. Alex had been fretting over the two forgetting their vows or some lost love rushing in and proclaiming their undying love for one of the betrothed--Alex had hired security specifically for that reason. No doubt Zayn had left a string of frenzied broken hearts behind. But the ceremony went smoothly, with no such interruptions, save for the ringing fiasco...

Kara had once again managed to work Brooke into a fit of laughter with her teasing. Apparently Brooke's ear had begun ringing in the middle of the ceremony and she had whispered to Kara about it. Kara had then leaned over and told Brooke she'd better answer it, which in turn got Brooke giggling so hard that her face flushed bright red and tears began to stream from her eyes. She tried to keep it in, but that only succeeded in bringing about a coughing fit.

"Unbelievable," Alex had thought. "Today of all days."

Luckily, the best man produced a mint that soothed Brooke's dry throat. Alex glanced at him with grateful eyes and the ceremony carried on.

Gardenia looked gorgeous in her dove-white gown. Zayn looked handsome in his black tux and baby-blue bowtie. They were, as they had always been, exact opposites of one another. But they came together like two halves of the same whole and sealed the deal with a kiss.

And so the ending to a perfect day...if only. 

__________________________

The ceremony is over and the reception is in full-swing. Family and friends are visiting at flower-laden tables, plates are being cleaned by eager guests, persistent women are dragging their husbands to the dance floor.

All the girls seem to be having a blast. Brooke has fully recovered from her coughing fit and is now cutting a rug on the dance floor with Kara...literally. Kara is holding the rug while Brooke is expertly gliding the scissors across the square. No one tries to stop them. 

Marissa is seated at a table with Luis. The two seem to be having a ball all on their own, giggling and launching bits of food at each other.

Gardenia and Zayn are making their way about the grand room, fingers entwined, greeting relatives and friends alike. The newlyweds are glowing, stealing soft, quick kisses whenever they can.

The other unwed couple are being themselves, as well. Except in a...different way. Sara and Connor have donned witch's hats and armed themselves with wands as they run about the room, weaving in between tables, dueling each other.

"Oh, for Heaven's sake," Alex thinks. "Can these two ever be normal?" She watches in horror as Rachel finishes off a strong whiskey and prances over to join them, extracting her own wand from her bra.

Alex sighs. "I need a drink."

Over at the bar Maryanne is enjoying the complimentary drinks...maybe a little too much. Maryanne had gone over there at the beginning of the night, made the acquaintance of some of the groomsmen, and now they're all playing a drinking game together.

Maryanne's bra is stuffed with $1 dollar bills; no doubt money she has swindled from the poor boys.

"Why don't you just give up now, Styles?" Maryanne shouts over the music. She doesn't seem phased by the excessive amount of liquor coursing through her minuscule body.

Harry, a dark-haired boy with a mess of shaggy curls atop his head, tosses another shot back, squints his eyes, and chuckles. "Never," he slurs. "I could drink you under the table."

Maryanne laughs darkly and throws back three shots in a row, her face expressionless the entire time.

Niall, the light-haired boy, copies her, never taking his eyes off her face. "You dunt know who ya dealin' with, darlin'", Niall says in his thick Irish accent. "I was bottle-fed straight whiskey as a babe." He finishes off three more shots and Maryanne's eyes grow wide in astonishment. 

Is this leprechaun really beating me? she thinks. That's impossible. I'm gonna have to break out the hard stuff.

Maryanne slips a small, silver flask out of her bra and unscrews the lid. She pours equal amounts in hers and boys' glasses.

"What's that?" Harry asks, voice heavy and slow.

Niall doesn't even give the lime-green liquid a second thought before raising it to his lips. But Maryanne is unable to see his reaction because a hand reaches down and snatches her glass up. Maryanne turns in alarm to see Sara bring the glass to her mouth.

"Alright, I'm ready for it!" Sara yells as she tosses the glass back.

Her eyes grow wide as crystal balls and she goes stiff as the wand in her hand. She falls straight back, her hands losing their grip on the wand and shot glass. Luckily, Connor is there to catch her just before she hits the ground. But she's unconscious. In fact--Connor checks her pulse--

"She's gone," he murmurs, his voice trembling in disbelief.

A crowd gathers around the scene. Rigid hands cover mouths, red eyes scan the room frantically, searching for an answer.

Rachel crouches heavily beside Sara as her dress brushes the shattered glass and poisonous elixir.

"What was that?" she cries, looking up to Maryanne with tears in her eyes.

Maryanne is stunned; all the color has drained from her face. "It was...absinthe."

"Absinthe!" says Connor. "That shouldn't have killed her!"

Kara and Brooke emerge from the crowd. Kara is wielding a straw and shouts, "Emergency tracheotomy!" as she plunges it toward Sara's exposed neck. 

There's a commotion in the crowd as Gardenia pushes her way through. Zayn is right behind her, their hands tightly locked together. Gardenia manages to knock the straw away from Kara's hand before she reaches Sara's neck. Gardenia then takes one look at Sara and cries, "Quick! The habanero!"

Several anxious minutes pass before the dreaded pepper is finally located and placed in Gardenia's expert hands. She kneels beside Sara and gently opens her mouth. Then, with a surgeon's precision, she shoves the blood-orange pepper down Sara's throat.

There is a prolonged moment of held breaths and sweaty hands. Every heart in the room has stopped beating.

Sara's draws in a raspy breath and her eyelids flutter open. Tears immediately burst forth and she begins fanning her mouth.

"Water!" she screams. "I need water! Sweet mercy, bring me water!"

In the crowd Maryanne nudges Niall. "You owe me five dollars."

                                                           ___________________________

Sara has recovered from her near death--no, wait--full death experience; she and Connor are on the dance floor swaying to a slow tune together. Even still, she's kept her distance from Maryanne, her drinking partners, and whatever sort of vile toxins they have stowed in their pockets.

Alex has managed to get the mess of broken glass and alcohol fairly cleaned up. She surveys the floor and decides it is no longer a threat to anyone and begins to walk away. She feels something sharp pierce into the soft flesh of her foot and yelps in panic. Dammit! Why did I take my heels off? she thinks in pain. 

"Here, let me help," says a voice.

She glances up and is looking at the face of the best man. He gently smiles at her and flicks his eyes down at his outstretched hand. Alex takes it and he aids her in hobbling over to a chair. He sits down next to her.

"What happened?" he asks in a soft tone. 

"I stepped on a shard of glass. You know, from the absinthe incident. I thought I'd cleaned it all up." She inspects the sole of her foot, which is already bleeding. "But apparently not."

"Do you want me to get something for it? Some ice?"

"If you could pass me that glass of vodka, that'd be lovely."

He offers the glass from the table to her and she takes a swig of the bitter alcohol.

"You want some?" she asks, holding the vodka out to him. The best man looks at her, chuckles, then takes the glass. He looks seemingly unfazed by the jolt of hard liquor scathing down his esophagus. 

"I'm Alex," she says with a grimace as she inspects her foot.

"Is that short for Alexandria?"

Alex looks up in surprise. "Yes...it is." She focuses back on her foot to hide the rosy complexion of her cheeks, even though the lights are too dim to see. She delicately extracts the tiny shard from her punctured skin with freshly-manicured nails.

"Ah, that's better," she sighs. She's now able to concentrate on the best man completely. And she's pleasantly surprised by what she sees.

"You're Liam, right? Thanks for saving my friend from her coughing outbreak earlier. I was sure she was going to collapse right there."

"It's no problem. Didn't want to have a death at a wedding....Although it seems one of the other bridesmaids already accomplished that." He glances at Sara on the dance floor, still swirling with Connor.

Alex likes the outline of his jaw. It's hard, but there's something about the color of his skin and the shape of his lips that soften it.

Liam turns back to her and Alex's eyes quickly bounce away, focusing on the dancing couples.

"Who knew that a habanero could bring someone back to life," she says, looking back at him.

"Better start stocking up just in case."

The music stops suddenly and the lights brighten up. Oh no. What now? Alex thinks, too tired to be entirely panicked about whatever mischief is about to occur.

A voice rings loud and clear throughout the room. "Time to cut the cake!"

Alex sighs in relief. "Thank the gods."

Guests begin to gather around the cake table, all trying to get the best spot as they pull out their cameras to capture the beloved event.

Alex stands and immediately has to shift her body weight when she feels how tender the skin is on her foot. She glances at Liam. "Would you mind?" she asks with a timid smile. But he's already encircling her waist with his arm and placing hers across his shoulders.

Slowly they pick their way to the crowd and take a spot near the back to lessen the chance of Alex's foot being stepped on. Luckily there's a gap in the crowd and they have a good view of the monstrosity of a pastry.

Like everything else in the room, it is decorated with an abundance of flowers. They tumble down the many tiers like a floral avalanche. They are the perfect shade of powder blue.

Gardenia and Zayn have assumed their position beside the cake. Their hands are still tied up like a bow and don't look like they're going to unravel any time soon. They pose for a few pictures before getting ready to slice into the cake.

"Stop in the name of love!" The crowd lets out a collective gasp as the doors burst open. People are jostling each other, trying to get the best view of the figure standing on the other side of the room. Alex tries to keep her foot out of the melee, but it gets stepped on several times. Liam hears her cries of pain and offers for her to place her foot on top of his leather shoe so it's safe. Alex barely has time to thank him before the figure is barreling across the room and pushing his way through the crowd.

"Excuse me!" Alex shouts. "This is a private party!" But the figure doesn't hear her. He's only focused on one thing: the cake.

The cake? No, no. The bride and groom. Well, the bride, to be specific.

Gardenia is the first to recognize the stranger.

"Cesar?" she says, incredulous.

"Cesar?" all the bridesmaids repeat, equally taken aback. They all remember the name and are now able to place the face, even though it has changed some through the years. His jaw has become stronger, his eyebrows darker, and those calves...wait, why is he wearing soccer shorts?

"Gardenia," Cesar begins, his shoulders rising and falling heavily with exertion. "I was in the middle of the biggest championship game of my life, about to score a goal that would have gone down in history, when I realized...I couldn't do it without you."

Murmurs of confusion dapple the ensuing silence.

"What?" Gardenia asks, more surprised than ever. She tightens her grip on Zayn for reassurance, who is equally stunned.

"G," Cesar says. His eyes are pleading. "Do you remember when we first met? We were in college, both studying to be engineers. You were so beautiful, so smart. You were this bright comet of light in my world; you were gone so fast. And though I tried to get you out of my head, the truth is I got lost without you. I was so stupid for letting you go, but...I know you're still the one."

The room is dead quiet. Cesar takes a step closer, palms up in desperation.

"But now I see your heart's been taken and seeing you with him tears my world apart. And the worst part is, I know I could've been where he is standing if hadn't have screwed everything up. But here I am, asking you for one more chance."

Zayn makes a move forward, but Gardenia places her hand firmly on his chest.

Cesar's eyes are wide as a doe's. A slight shimmering of sweat dances on his forehead. "Why I came here...what I want to say is...can we fall one more time? Because I've got three little words that I've always been dying to tell you."

"Hey, that sounds familiar!" slurs a voice from the bar. Harry has his glass raised with a wide grin on his face. He throws his glass back and slumps his head on the table.

The attention goes back to the center of the crowd as Zayn finally speaks up.

"Hey, back off, mate. We're married." His eyes are filled with rage and he lets go of Gardenia's hand. Gardenia tries to hold onto it, sensing what's coming next, but he's too quick.  He reaches for a piece of cutlery on the table and points it at Cesar.

"You're going to have to fight me for her."

Cesar glances at the silver utensil. "A spoon?" he says.

Liam drops suddenly to the floor beside Alex. She crouches next to him, concerned.

"What's wrong, Liam?" she asks.

His whole body is trembling and his head is between his knees. "Sp...." Alex can't understand him.

"Sp-sp-sp-spooooon," he softly moans in fear. Alex glances back up at Zayn and Cesar. Cesar has now armed himself with his own spoon and the two are sizing each other up.

"You don't want to do this, mate," Zayn says to Cesar, who is gripping his spoon tightly. "I use this every morning for my tea."

"Then I think you should know that I eat four bowls of Raisin Bran every day!" Cesar thrusts out at Zayn. A metallic sound rings out as the two spoons collide. Zayn returns the attack and Cesar narrowly dodges it. As the two expand outward, putting more space between each other, the crowd scatters, hurrying every which way to avoid the battle. Alex wants to run--or, in her case, hobble--as well, but Liam is still on the ground, paralyzed with fear. Alex manages to pull his hands from his face to try to look him in the eyes.

"Liam, buddy. We gotta move." But it's no use. His brown eyes are frozen on an invisible spot and he's not responding.

"Oh, for the love of...." Alex knows she can't carry him, so she resorts to the only thing she can think to do. She grabs him by the arm and begins dragging him like a corpse. He's heavier than she thought. "Jeez, do you lift?" she cries.

Zayn and Cesar are still sparring off. Zayn now has the advantage on top of the cake table, but Cesar is holding his own from below. Gardenia stands in the middle of it, screaming for them both to stop. But she's helpless in the face of this passionate duel.

Meanwhile, Marissa and Luis are in a corner blowing bubbles. Kara and Brooke have drug out a flat piece of cardboard in the middle of the room and are practicing their break dancing moves on it with Sara and Connor. Rachel stands by, holding up scores.

And Kiersten--where the hell has Kiersten been all night?

Alex doesn't know what to be more enraged about: the dueling foes, Spongebob and Patrick in the corner, or the break dancers. And on top of that, she's dragging this guy who seems to have a chronic fear of spoons across the floor with an injured foot of her own. At least Maryanne is doing what people normally do at weddings: getting drunk.

"I just wanted an ordinary wedding!" she sobs. But no one can hear her over the cacophony of the spoons, so she resolves to keep dragging Liam, whose lips are moving rapidly as he mutters to himself.

Maryanne and her drinking buddies are now shouting out bets.

"Yeah! Get him Cesar!" cries Niall.

"Show him what four bowls of cereal can do to a man!" follows Harry.

It's total anarchy.

And it all ends in the cake--the stunning, 5-foot cake that they had spent a fortune on, the cake covered in delicate flowers, the cake that was the centerpiece of the whole room--crashing to the ground. Chunks fly everywhere and the whole room goes silent.

Alex stops hefting Liam to survey the damage. The whole cake is ruined. But something worse has occurred. Zayn is lying on the ground, black tux covered in blue and white frosting. He's not moving.

Surprisingly, the first person to come to his aid is not his bride. It's Marissa. She sprints from her table and falls down beside the groom.

"Oh, Zayn! Sweet Zayn!" Tears are streaming from her eyes as she wipes chunks of cake off his face.

Zayn stirs. He squints his eyes and his head moves slowly back and forth. "Shh, shh. Be still, sweet prince." Marissa cries, putting a finger to his lips. "You're hurt."

"No, I think I'm actually fine," Zayn says, beginning to stand up.

"No!" Marissa pushes hard on his shoulders, forcing him to stay down. "He...hurt...you." She glares into his eyes, her body hovering over his. Zayn draws back in fear.

Marissa stands up. "My darling Zayn has been critically injured in the battle. I need to transport him immediately to the hospital." She reaches down, slides her arms under him, and lightly picks him up. No one protests--not even Zayn--as she carries him from the room.

Cesar makes a hesitant move toward Gardenia. She doesn't move away, but instead takes a step closer.

"You walked straight into my heart and stole it," Cesar says. "Can you give it back to me?"

She grabs Cesar by both arms and drops him into a dip. "Never in your wildest dreams," she says and kisses him passionately.

                                                          ___________________________

"I still want to know why you're afraid of spoons," Alex says to Liam as they sip their cocktails.

The party has died down--finally. Alex had wanted to end it after everything that had happened, but Gardenia had insisted on spending this night with Cesar. No one was quite sure where Marissa took Zayn, but they trusted he was in good hands.

Everyone seems to be enjoying the night, despite all the lively, at times horrifying, events.

Alex glances over at the drinker's table where they are all now playing poker. She sees two people approaching the table, hands laced together. One of them is--Kiersten! Alex smiles in relief.

"Louis!" cries Harry boisterously. "Where ya been?"

"You know, just hanging about," replies Louis with a sly smile. He glances happily at Kiersten as she reaches down to pick up a glass. A ring glints on her left hand.

Alex gapes, but decides to pursue her suspicions later. She wants to rest now, enjoy the company of the guy she's with. But she can't help noticing Luis, all alone in the corner. He's blowing bubbles and staring wistfully at the door.

"It's too bad about Luis," Alex says, directing Liam's attention to him.

Liam perks up when he notices him. "Oh, I'm not sure he's entirely unlucky tonight."

Liam stands up, buttons his tux, and kisses Alex on the hand. "It's been a lovely evening, Alexandria." And with that he walks over and sits beside Luis, smiling at him.

Alex has been through too much tonight to be shocked. She walks over to Maryanne, takes her flask of absinthe, and chugs it down. She gazes contently at Gardenia and Cesar on the floor, dancing the bachata.

my heart, your heart, sit tight like book ends

pages between us, written with no end

so many words we're not saying

don't want to wait till it's gone

you make me strong