God I am so sick of being sad. I feel pathetic because I have been sad and lonely quite a bit lately. And you know why? Because I miss Connor. God, talk about having the Bella Syndrome. I swore to myself I was never going to be like that. Not let my happiness be dictated by a guy. And look what is happening. I can't even read Eleanor and Park without getting teary-eyed because Park reminds me too much of Connor. I seriously want to slap myself right now. Love is stupid.
AND I WANT TO BE EXTREMELY CLEAR RIGHT NOW THAT IF YOU GUYS EVER FEEL THIS WAY OR HAVE FELT THIS WAY, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO WHAT I HAVE SAID ABOVE. I DO NOT THINK THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE PATHETIC WHEN THEY FEEL THIS WAY, BECAUSE THEY HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO FEEL HOWEVER THEY ARE FEELING. I JUST HATE FEELING THIS WAY, SO I BECOME MAD AT MYSELF AND CALL MYSELF THAT.
Next topic: WE CANNOT ALLOW THIS BLOG TO DIE. Yes, I am guilty as well for not posting in close to probably two months, but lets keep posting. Just blab about anything. Seriously. If you want to spend fifteen minutes discussing your love for tofu, go for it. (But seriously, who even likes that stuff?) I will listen. I plan on posting more often, and I hope that you guys do too.
I cleaned out my old clothes last night and this morning, and my god I needed to do this a couple of years ago. I have stuff from middle school still shoved in the back of my drawers. I literally have three garbage bags full of clothes that I am selling to Plato's Closet or donating to Share Stuff. Now I feel like I want to go shopping. Maybe this was not such a good idea...
Music time, I suppose.
Marissa I know you know these guys: Sleeping With Sirens. So far, this is the only song of theirs that I have on my iPod, because they do scream a bit, and I have never liked screaming in music. But I really like this guy's voice. It's unique and cool.
Here's a song by Good Charlotte that I like. Haven't really listened to much else but them, but I do like this song. It's pretty catchy.
I honestly don't have much else to say. I'm just mentally tired, really. I don't want to do anything. Not even read or listen to music. My life has been feeling rather monotonous lately, and I am just tired.
Hey ladies, so I know this post is probably pointless since nobody really even looks at it right now anyways. But, I want to get this out somehow. I'm so frustrated and lonely and I just want to make myself busy right now.
This song, although it has screaming in it, so some of you may not want to watch it, is literally my favorite song right now.
Anyways, so. I was up til like 4am Saturday morning.. and I made the crazy decision to make an instagram. I made this decision mainly based on the fact that instagram was the only way I'd find out who my nephew's girlfriend was. So I made one. And they showed me who in my phone's contacts had an instagram. I saw Luis' name. Now we're still friends, so I figured I'd check him out and follow him. So.. I went to his profile. (Jeeez Marissa. Stalker much?) Anyways. I was here I so fondly discovered that my deliciously fabulous ex boyfriend already has another girlfriend. If I could egg anyone's house, I seriously would egg both his and his new girlfriend's house. Although, to catch her house, we'd have to go all the way to New Jersey. Road trip anyone? I was like alright, that's cool. He's dating someone already. He got over me fast.
So.. I checked it out further and went to HEEERRR profile. Yay. I looked at all her fabulous pictures. She is really pretty. Gotta admit. And I read some of Luis' comments, in which he called her babe. TEN WEEKS AGO. Luis and I broke up TEN WEEKS AGO. He started dating her either before we broke up, or directly after we broke up. Now mind you, I had something to say to him about this. Cause yeah, it fucking hurt. So, I sent him a very admirable text. What did I say you ask? Well, I quote, "I FUCKING HATE YOU. YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE. FUCK YOU AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU." Sounds quite cheesy and real ex girlfriendish to say, and not really like me at all, but I was hurt and I wanted to let him know that. He replied, extremely confused, so I sent him a text mentioning his girlfriend Gabbi's name, and basically said "FUCK YOU." I never texted him after that. Needless to say, I am no longer his friend and I swear he never actually fucking cared. Quite splendid to find out, eh? I'm pretty sure he's cheated on me twice. I don't fucking care anymore. I hope his guilt swallows him alive, and may he burn in hell. Him and his new girlfriend. So yeah, that was my fantabulous weekend.
I'm done with my rant. I just thought I'd let you all know what was going on in my spiteful life. However, seeing the lovely ladies yesterday made me feel so much better about everything. I wish I could live with each of you every day. You are the reason I can still smile even though my asshole of an ex boyfriend is so ill determined on making me feel miserable about myself. But that's okay, cause I have you ladies to look forward to.
I'm kinda tired now. I think I might go take a bath.
I love you,
Stay golden, pony boy.
Marissa <3
YO YO YO!!! WHAT UP MY PEEPS?
WHERE HAVE ALL MY HOME SKILLET BISCUITS AND GRAVY GONE?!!!
This blog is being abandoned. We are abandoning each other :O I hear from some of you everyday, but then there are others who i dont know what's going on with. Do you not want to talk to me? I have texting, you are welcome to send me a message. Jeez. I saw Maryanne yesterday!!! I saw Maryanne yesterday!!! Seeing her made my day better. Now i just want to hear from EVERYONE more often.
So its about time i posted about something. I have found an AMAZING NAME if i am blessed with a baby boy one day in the future!!!! Not anytime soon though. I gotta find a beau that loves me and will love me for all the years to come. In the meantime, Zayn is my man and i will be fighting Marissa with spoons in order to win him back. And once i win, Zayn and I will have the honeymoon that should have gone as planned if i had not messed it up. In this honeymoon we will go to New Zealand and do lots and lots of fun activities: sky diving, scuba diving, paragliding, mountain climbing, ill even throw in skinny dipping. ALEX IS THIS INSPIRING ENOUGH?!?!?!?! HINT. HINT. ;) Then JOAQUIN MACUILXOCHITL Malik will be born!!!
Ok, this is going to jumbled up a bit, but try to follow with me. So the name that i have come to love ever since i was a little girl has been Joaquin. As you guys know i dont have a middle name. Well the Aztec culture has always fascinated me, Ive even built this idea in my mind that im a princess. So a conversation we had on kik (another random conversation, so join us) was about names, of course corpse party was becoming intermingled in the conversation. But the point is that i looked up some names and the one that caught my attention was Macuilxochitl, which means "five flowers," but the version that is adorable is Xochipilli, which means "flower prince;" these are two names for the god of love, games, dance, flowers... What im trying to say, i might consider these for middle names for my future children.
Sorry that was out of the blue.
So as some of you know, im taking two summer courses For one of them i had to read a 300 page book and write a five page paper on it, all in a week. Sara wouldnt help me!!! Where did the encouraging Sara go?!! All she said was "sucks for you." OUCH OUCH OUCH. Oh well, it wasnt fun, but i got a 96% on it. So im happy with that. And next week we have midterms. Can you believe that six weeks of my summer have gone by?! After these next five weeks are up we will only have a part of August to enjoy! And not so much either, work has to added into the big picture. Well i must find the time to relax.
The other day my little brother was singing Rixton's "Me and My Broken Heart" with such emotion, so what do i do? I ask him if he was sad that he hasnt seen his little friend. He hates being picked on so he obviously didnt respond well to that question. Then two weeks after he sang that song, he started to sing Magic's "Rude." I told him that i could see him saying that in the future if his father in law didnt accept.
Time for music. Here are some songs that ive come to like (thanks to my brother). Enjoy!!
Had to add that last one in there. You dont have to understand, just take in the emotion.
Looking up these videos has reminded me of one. Omg i think its hysterical!!!
Im done for today. Hope you guys start to post.
Love, G
Where is everyone? I wanna hear about nothing. I love nothing.
Ah hell. I guess now its a nerd post.
It's behind me isn't it?
Yeah. Thought so.
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Gus was killed by a... zombie?
Don't worry, Tallahassee saved him.
And they lived happily ever after.
The end.
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John Green makes it really easy to find funny pictures of himself. Thank you.
I feel like this explains everybody on Tumblr....
Hank also makes it really easy....
Yes Hank, it is completely okay.
----------------
He's perfect.
I love his reasoning. I love Robert Downey Jr. End of story.
But Jensen's like:
And Jared's just:
So Jared is all:
And then there's Misha...
-------------
I can see you.
Oh shit.
Don't listen to him, he's a bit sour is all.
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Nearing the end of this not-supposed-to-be-nerd-post and I wanted to point out this amazing
woman
who
went
from
this
to
this
to
this
finally
to
this.
I am sooooooo happy for and proud of Emma Watson. I mean she graduated yesterday from Brown University. She went to school and filmed movies, promoted all this great stuff, stayed out of trouble and drama, and graduated whilst doing all that. I can't imagine that plate load. I'd bury myself in a hole before I took on all that. She is my perfect role model and I love her for that and I literally cried when I saw her graduation on Tumblr last night. Emma Watson everyone. I applaud her always.
Well here I am using my mom's laptop to write to you guys. Why? Because mine is a piece of shit. Hard drive crashed for the third time and when I finally got it back, the internet won't work for it. It says its connected yet no internet. So its back at the shop. I just want to chuck the piece of unreliable shit at the wall and be done with it.
Yes, I'm going to talk about Julian again, but mainly to get my thoughts out to make sense of them. Yesterday as I'm walking home from the carnival at East I got a text from Kim and ended up turning around and going back. I met her up at the third floor gym, and Julian was up there working the NHS booth. I'm not sure if he saw me, but there was no hello. I went with Kim down to the pit for the art show (where I saw some of the outfits Rey wore to prom... those were interesting). She had a sculpture in the show and wanted to show me (yes it was pretty cool). I then escorted her back to the third floor gym (I got my workout for the day). This time he saw me, but to wrapped up in all his other friends to even say hi. And when he finally did, it was a quick hi and then something about going somewhere and that was it. But it got me thinking of all the times I've been with him and his friends, and it makes me realize just where I stand with him. And it makes me feel like horse shit. I'm the outsider when I'm with him and his friends, and he usually ignores me; too busy right? I don't know about you guys but when I bring him or anyone else who doesn't know you guys with us somewhere, I make sure to include them; hell I stick with them most of the time. If Kim or Cassy are there, they make sure they're not forgetting about me. But him.... I'm gonna use a line from Once Upon a Time here. When he looks at me, I see nothing in his eyes. Like he doesn't even care. But that changes the minute its just us. Is it because he has no one else to entertain himself with? Or does he actually care? Whatever it is, its bothering me.
The seven months of gameplay for Skyim is also gone. I wanted to see something at the beginning and thought if anything, I could make a new save file so it wouldn't save over my probably over a hundred hours of gameplay. Well it did just that, and now I have to restart from scratch when I was probably almost done with the game. Gone just like that. Poof.
I finished finals on Tuesday and I go back for my theater class in four days. I really don't want too even if it is just building sets for three weeks.
I need to remember to go to RVC's graduation today... Brooke and I have to sing.
It's just not been a good past couple of weeks. I cannot begin to explain how much I'm looking forward to Marissa's house next weekend. Marissa you're awesome. So is everyone else.
I've been listening to Hank Green's new CD Incongruent and as much as some of the songs are really weird, I still love it. I really want to go see him in concert, but the closest he's getting is Denver, Colorado. I still want to go though.
Speaking of music, music from the TFIOS soundtrack. I wanna add so many of these quotes to my book and it's sooooo beautiful. AND I'M GOING THROUGH THIS PICKING OUT SOME QUOTES AND I NEARLY START CRYING BECAUSE I CAN BARELY SEE MY ALL TIME FAVORITE QUOTE IN IT AND IT'S JUST PERFECT.
Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Jus literally twenty seconds of embarrassing bravery and I promise you, something great will come of it.
I hope y'all are still wanting to go to the midnight premiere of this cuz I know Sara and I do.
I think (think) the last thing I have to say is that because of my freaking laptop, I have not been able to work on camping. My mom practically lives on this thing and the only reason I have it right now is because she's at work. Hopefully I'll get a working laptop back today or next week, and I can start working on it again.
I'm not sure when the next time I'll be on is, so au revoir.
Hot guys. Hot guys everywhere. I CAN STARE AT THEM AND LOOK AT THEIR ASSES NOW.
I guess thats a form of coping... right?
Anyways.. speech. Im in speech class.. waiting for it to start. And I'm bored. So now I'm going to ramble on to you ladies about weird shit.
So.. I've realized just how bad my anxiety is. Even though I'm completely done with everything for school for now.. I'm still worrying. I dont enjoy things anymore. I just started two new games on xbox.. and its not the same euphoric feeling I used to get when I played games. I used to play games all by myself and enjoy them so much. But then the douchebag came into my life. And now playing by myself is just.. lonely. Plus I seriously dont know how to enjoy myself anymore. I think I'm just gonna drive around today after school. Maybe make myself look good. Go shopping. Just.. do anything and everything. But avoid work. I'm not going to five below. Its only going to make me anxietal about working. So.. yeah. I really need my birthday weekend. Im hoping my new manager didnt lose my request to take off.. because fuck them and I'm not working that weekend.
I just started watching Being Human the other day. I gotta say.. that is one thing that truly distracts me. I'm actually excited to keep watching it. You guys should try it. c:
I wanna hate Luis so bad. All he has been doing since we broke up is making me feel worse. Not intentionally.. but I still want him to realize that what he is doing is only hurting me more. There's this chick Gabbi. She used to flirt with Luis and send him pictures and stuff while we were dating. That pissed me off. I asked him if he would be alright with not talking to her anymore. He said it was fine. And what do I keep catching him doing? Yup. He made me extremely fucking paranoid. He was LYING to me. It wasnt fair. And now that we're not dating anymore.. guess who is on xbox with Gabbi every fucking night until like 5 am? Whore. I swear.
Anyways. Rant over. Bye. (:
