Ahoy there!
I told you ladies that I'd be fine. I'm completely ecstatic! Well not completely.. I may or may not be putting up a front for myself in order to believe that I am not unimaginably miserable. But who knows? I can't tell, not anymore.
Anyways! I seriously feel like I'm missing out on my entire life being in a relationship. I can't do anything anymore! I have to put him before anything else.. But.. I don't wanna. I'm only eighteen. I should be enjoying my life. Not tying myself to one person and only experiencing life with that person. Sure he wants the same things I do, like travelling, adventures, and so on and so forth. But whats the fun in adventuring but not really exploring? I want to be able to point out hot guys without him getting mad. I want to be able to enjoy the things I do without someone in the background constantly complaining or yelling at me for not doing what they want. I want to.. be alone sometimes. But when you're in a relationship, you can't have that. For those of you searching for a relationship.. I'm not trying to detour you away. I just want you to know that it is difficult, and that getting too serious about it is not a good idea. You're young! Enjoy your life! Don't waste a year of your single lives! You get to do whatever you want, whenever you want, and say whatever you want about it, and you don't have to worry about your guy getting upset about it.
Most of the time I enjoy being in a relationship. It's nice to know that there is a strong shoulder for you to cry on if you need it. And I love the fact that I can cuddle up with him and watch movies all the time. But.. there's a lot of stuff that I'm missing out on. I suppose everyone in a relationship goes through this at some point. And it's about time it hits me. I'm afraid for the future. I don't think I'll be happy, you know? But I'm also afraid of being single. And I've gotten so close to Luis and his family. Is it even worth it to just throw that away over a little bit of doubt? I don't know. Does anyone even know? Probably not.
I really miss you guys. I miss those sleepovers where we would stay up until three am and do crazy shit. Yes. Play weird games, watch Pitch Perfect. And I miss all your voices. Sara especially. I haven't seen you more than anybody. I miss when you would join me in my random escapades. SEERRAAAA. I just.. I miss our little Ohana.
I love how I'm only talking about my feelings. I don't even talk about what I do anymore. It just feels so.. unimportant. And quite frankly I don't even care about what I've done lately. And I'm a little frustrated at myself for letting it get this bad. Since when do I not have little adventures to tell you guys? It's so disappointing!
Well I'm done complaining for now.
Au revoir,
Marissa
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