Peter Pan

Oh look is this my fourth post in a matter of days? Why yes, yes it is. Something that seems to be coming up more often is the matter of growing up. And I want to throw my thoughts in on the matter. I wanted to upload just music so you guys could listen to Ribs by Lorde while you read but I can't seem to find a way to do that. So I'll just put a link for anyone with a computer to open another window and multi-task. You don't have to, I'm just saying it relates.

 

 

 

Or you could just go with the video I managed to get on the page.

I'm not saying the whole song relates just like... you'll know what I mean.

 

Ok I'll get started.

 

I'll be honest and say, yeah it sucks growing up. Going to work and school in high school sucked. I felt like I missed out on stuff in my teenage years. But I had to work in order to pay for my car otherwise I would be walking everywhere and I would never have a ride. Honestly, I haven't felt like a kid in forever. It seems like the only thing I don't have to pay for is housing, food, and education. I need new shoes? I have to work to pay for them. I need some new jeans? Same thing. I have barely any long sleeved shirts for the winter? Better put more hours in. I can't remember the last time someone bought me clothes other than for Christmas (and then for that I'm just like, no don't get me clothes because you don't know what I like, because my family always does that). I think I had to pay for my own school supplies senior year. I feel like I've already been taking care of myself in a way for years already and it already sucks. Can I go back to before I had periods? No because that was before most of you girls and I don't want to live without you.

 

My mom still has a hard time treating me like an adult. Almost like she won't let me be an adult. Me and Julian like to make last minute plans sometimes and just go out and do something. So then my mom gets pissed at me for not being home for dinner or if I don't want to come home so I can go out to dinner with her and my dad. But because I'm an adult, I don't go home when she gets pissed at me. I can take care of myself now and I can make my own decisions. Sure, I deal with the consequences when I get home when she gives me attitude or the silent treatment but she's the one who will eventually have to learn that it's my life and I will do what I please... within reason.

 

Both my parents are concerned for me when I go do something new in a different place, more so my dad than my mom. I get tired of hearing the "be safe" talk and stuff or being scolded for going somewhere alone. I know the dangers and how to be smart but I really don't care, I want to experience something new! I'm not going to not go somewhere just because I'm alone, I want to explore. I mean seriously, I should have been born hundreds of years ago because I would love to be an explorer. And when I come to visit you Alex, we should go somewhere in Chicago. I don't care where, I just want to see Chicago without my parents. I don't even care if we're just wandering the streets. I want an adventure...

 

I don't know what to do with my life. I'm pretty sure now I don't want to pursue theater. I'm doing absolutely fine without it. That's another thing about growing up: the future is sometimes so uncertain, it's scary. If there's one thing I will never regret, it's leaving Aurora. A few people, including my mom, have told me that they think it was a mistake for me to leave Aurora and give up so soon. I really hate it when someone tells me that. Like, they don't understand what I felt and what I was thinking throughout the whole process of choosing a college and moving in and doing stuff to be prepared. My mom really rushed me to make a decision on where to go. I wanted to go to Chicago but I never heard back from UIC and my mom kept pushing me to make a decision. I don't know, I don't really want to talk anymore about it. I know I'll eventually figure out what I want to do with my life and that's all that really matters to me.

 

So, in the form of adventure, I'm ready to grow up. Everything else could just go away. I want to experience what the love of my life will be like and how it feels to be so in love. I want a wedding. I want to wear a big beautiful dress like a princess and go on a honeymoon to a tropical place. I want to make a library out of a room in my house like I've always dreamed of. I want to see the world and all the people in it. I want to get on a train and keep going and see where I end up, just for the thrill of it! I want to go to Poland and see Zuza. I want to go on a pub crawl across Europe and just sample so many types of drinks. I want to see what the Amazon Rainforest looks like in person. I want my dream of traveling to Ireland to be a reality. To see the beautiful green landscape. See the little towns. Visit Dublin. Cork and Galway. Guinness. I want to see Stonehenge with my own two eyes before I go blind. I want to go to the moon. See the earth from a distance. Fit it in the palm of my hand. Jump in slow motion. Be a little closer to the rest of the universe. I want to see the places that inspired some fairy tales. To see the real Cinderella Castle in Germany. Sleeping Beauty's inspired castle. The Museum of the Brothers Grimm. I want to see Vincent Van Gogh's original paintings in front of me.

 

Can I go now?